My mom says that everyone has a beautiful side. So I guess I’m a circle.
Sick of feeling like my body is a problem I need to solve.
I’m done fretting that the smaller size stretches over my breasts but the larger size shows cleavage. Done worrying that the bigger size looks sloppy but the size that fits shows “too much” thigh and hugs my ass in a way that makes you…
you know where so much of my motivation for weight loss came from?
I looked as sooooo much thinspo/fitspo. So much. It’s the reason I joined tumblr. I built up this vision of what life would be like if I were thin. I looked at all these pictures, all these gorgeous, perfect, thin women, in beautiful, idealized photos - being a photographer, I have an affinity for images; I lusted after the lives I thought I saw within these images of thin women. And it all blended together - all the qualities and lives I constructed of these photos blended together, so in my head there was this fantasy world of thinness, but also I was rich and always well dressed and had perfect teeth and skin and hair and I had a beautiful house and I was a perfect student with lots of friends etc. etc. etc. It felt like the way I imagine people in books, sometimes. A complete fabrication, of this perfect life, if only I were thin.
And it was damaging. Because it doesn’t happen, it never happens, for anyone. Thinness never made my life perfect. Rejecting that fantasy and learning that my own imperfect self and life are not only enough but more than enough was more freeing than anything my imagination could have ever come up with.